I’m a bargain hunter.
Everytime I walk into the supermarket, no matter what I’m there for, I’ll eventually find myself in the “reduced” section, rummaging through cheese quiches, and ready meals, looking for a little treat at an amazing price.
I didn’t grow up poor, but I didn’t grow up rich either. There was always money for bills and food and a few extras along the way. I felt secure. But splurging wasn’t really in our vocabulary.
I was taught to save and be sensible with money. I wasn’t afraid to ask my parents for a few pounds to go down the high street with my friends. But when my school advertised the annual ski trip, it didn’t occur to me to ask to go - in fact I didn’t even think about whether I wanted to go.
When I saw that dozens of other students in my school had signed up I remember feeling confused. I hadn’t realised that so many of my peers had access to that kind of money - or the courage to ask their parents for it! (This trip took place years before we would have been old enough to get a part time job).
Please don’t mistake my message here. This isn’t a sob story about how missing an extortionately expensive school trip destroyed my childhood - frankly my poor balance means that I should always be kept away from ski slopes. And the fact that I never had to worry about my parents making ends meet is a huge privilege.
The point I’m making is that when something fell outside the price range that I was used to paying I didn’t even let myself consider whether it was something I wanted.
When I was a little kid, without the means to increase my income, that strategy made a lot of sense. But this childhood pattern turned into an adult habit, and over the years it has kept my dreams small and limited my growth.
Until I started asking myself one simple question…
It was exactly what I had been looking for
Lately I’ve been actively seeking more support with my business. I want to build connections, improve my business skills and start allowing more people to get access to my work.
Just last week, a coach I follow launched a new programme for women at an early stage in business. Between the content, the target audience and the core values of the work, it felt like it was tailor made just for me.
As soon as it popped up on my newsfeed I felt a jolt in my stomach - a tiny flicker of desire, wanting to know more. And almost just as quickly, my finger reached towards the screen to scroll onward. I noticed a tiny voice in my head say, “I can’t afford that”,
And I paused.
“Is this true?”
The flicker of desire had caught my attention. My sensitivity to my own body, developed through regular embodiment practice, meant that I noticed when the automatic urge to scroll on immediately felt ‘off’.
“Why was I so quick to dismiss my desire?” I thought. “Surely, even if I decide not to purchase it, it wouldn’t do any harm to explore the option?”
I chose to open the sales page and read all about it. I felt myself becoming energised as I recognised that this programme was exactly what I had been looking for. And I saw that investing in it was an opportunity, not just to learn new skills, but to devote myself fully to a period of growth and receive the support that I desired to help me along the way.
As I reached the ‘prices’ section I felt my heart beating faster. When I clicked on the early bird offer I saw that I did have enough money to pay for the course - but it would mean sacrificing other business expenses I had planned to invest in.
It was good value for money.
It was something I wanted.
But was it something I was willing to spend my money on?
I felt frozen between my desire and my fear of making the wrong choice. So, it was time to ask myself the simple question that helps me decide whether an investment is worth it:
What is the cost of NOT purchasing this thing?
The idea of parting with our hard earned cash can be difficult, especially when it’s going towards something intangible like personal development. When I purchase a meal in a restaurant I experience the outcome of my investment immediately, whereas a coaching programme might not yield results straight away. I’m still enjoying the benefits of some programmes, years after I finished them, meanwhile others are saved as a bookmark on my web browser and I’ve barely made it past the first exercise.
When I asked myself what the cost was of NOT investing in this programme, it helped me see the bigger picture.
It would cost me the connections I could build through the course with like-minded people at the same stage in business as me.
It would cost me the knowledge of this coach who has built a profitable business which is aligned with the laws of nature and opts out of the capitalist paradigm.
It would cost me the time it would take for me to work out how to do these things all by myself, rather than learning from those who have gone before me.
It would cost me the joy I could have at this early stage in business, which comes so much more easily when I know that I have cheerleaders in my corner.
When I contemplated all of this it made complete sense to invest in the programme.
I took a deep breath, entered my bank details and then danced around the kitchen as the exhilaration (and some leftover fear!) coursed through my body.
What is your low self confidence costing you?
Let me first of all say that I am never, ever, ever going to be one of those coaches who tells you to just “put the sessions on your credit card and you’ll manifest the money while we work together.”
Yuck.
The ethos that I work on is that building trust in yourself, and building your self confidence comes from treating yourself extremely well. And part of that is making sure that your needs, and the needs of anyone who depends on you, are taken care of. Which means that the rent or mortgage is paid, there’s food in the fridge, and there’s hot water for your shower.
(There’s a time and a place for using credit to take a risk, but that’s a conversation for another day.)
But even when our needs are covered, spending money on something like personal development can feel difficult.
It means admitting that we want help, which is tough for us high achievers who learned to put their heads down and do their homework by ourselves.
It feels self indulgent, especially if you’re used to being the person who meets everyone else’s needs.
And it can feel daunting, knowing that we’re not only investing our money, but we’re committing time and energy to being with ourselves for an extended period of time.
But there comes a time when we know that we’re ready to get support. When we’re sick and tired of letting self-doubt, overthinking and procrastination keep us from building the life we want. And when we know that doing things the same way we always have isn’t going to get us what we want.
This is the time when our finger pauses over the screen and instead of scrolling on, we read the sales page. Our body tingles as we recognise that what’s offered here is just what we’ve been looking for and our muscles relax, realising that maybe we don’t have to figure this out all by ourselves.
But when we imagine the money leaving our bank account, suddenly we freeze. We get stuck between the pull of our desire, and push of all the fear, doubt and worry that resists it.
If this is you right now, I invite you to consider the simple question, and see if it helps to bring a little movement or clarity into what your best next steps are.
“What is the cost of you NOT investing in support to build unshakeable self trust and confidence?”
It might cost you yet another year spent worrying, ruminating and overthinking every little step.
It might cost you the opportunities that you won’t put yourself forward for, because you haven’t realised that you’re already capable of handling them.
It might cost you the people who could come into your life and light it up, if you just had the confidence to introduce yourself when the moment comes along.
It might cost you all the moments of ease, joy and laughter that come much more easily when you love who you’re being in the world.
Take five minutes and write down a few answers that are unique to you.
And then consider: “Is this a price I’m willing to pay?”
I have spaces open for 1:1 coaching clients.
Together we’ll get to the heart of what’s standing in the way of you building the life you’ve been dreaming of, and discover your body’s magical, unique path to uncovering your natural self confidence.
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