Last week I wrote the post “What if your fear tasted like bubblegum?” I wanted to explore the idea of how free we could be if all of our uncomfortable sensations were something that we willingly embraced.
This week I’m going to contradict myself! And I make no apologies for that. Embodiment is all about embracing paradoxes and being able to hold multiple truths at once.
Here’s our paradox for this reflection:
Learning to get comfortable with uncomfortable sensations will set you free AND your uncomfortable emotions are supposed to be uncomfortable.
I’m currently a member of the House of WE - a wealth embodiment programme which intends to create a financial revolution on this planet. When I tell you that my mind is blown every time I open up a new training I am not exaggerating. I actively have to stop myself from fangirling all over founder Victoria Washington.
The teachings are based on the Arc of Financial Transformation, a somatic practice that Victoria developed while deep in her own journey with scarcity.
One of the key teachings which has resonated with me lately is that scarcity is a teacher; and all the places within us that feel uncomfortable or difficult or challenging are sharpening our character into being the version of ourselves that’s able to carry the financial vision that has been designed for us.
Let me put that into some practical examples so that you can really understand what I mean:
The doubt that I carry about whether I can really build the life I want to build is there to sharpen my conviction that I am committed to the path no matter what is happening.
The uncertainty that washes over me as I make big changes in life is there to call me home to my centre and get me grounded in the unshakeable parts of who I am while everything is moving around me.
The fear I feel as I make myself more visible, more expressive and expansive in the world is there to force me to call on the resources of courage and resilience so that I have the capacity to navigate setbacks.
In the House of WE scarcity is not a block that has to be got rid of, but rather a reservoir of resources that we alchemise into gold.
Learning to get comfortable with uncomfortable sensations - like fear, doubt, guilt, anger and frustration - enables us to approach our feelings and spend time with them. By becoming intimate with them we get to listen to their wisdom and willingly step into situations where they will be present.
However, getting comfortable with them doesn’t entirely remove the discomfort that they carry, and I believe that this is for a reason.
The discomfort is there to correct our course back into alignment with a state of being which resonates with our core essence.
So the challenge for us is to balance the ability to embrace these, so-called "negative", sensations, whilst also allowing the discomfort they bring to move us and resource us with what we need for the particular situation that we are in. This is why it is so important not to take the thoughts that come with particular states literally, and instead see them as guidance about what is happening within us. This gives us the information we need to course correct.
I want to make this very tangible, because my deepest understanding around this has come from my own experiences, so I’ll give you a very practical example from my life.
Relearning to drive at 30
I learned to drive at 18 and as soon as I passed my test I never drove again. We didn’t have a car in my family and as I lived in a city I didn’t really need one. But as my desire to spend more time in the countryside grew and grew I decided it was finally time to get a car of my own.
Since passing my test I had developed a fear of driving, no doubt partly influenced by my mum whose fear of it meant she had never learned. I’d convinced myself that I was a bad driver because my first test had gone very poorly. I also felt clueless about how to purchase and take care of a car.
I felt many, many uncomfortable emotions in my journey to driving again, and while part of the experience involved learning to “feel the fear and do it anyway” it also involved letting the discomfort build in me the attributes I needed to become a confident driver.
(Reminder for my international readers, here most cars are manual and tiny Irish roads can be very challenging at the best of times!)
Fear
The fear I felt every time I got into the driver’s seat forced me to cultivate a sense of inner calm so that I could be a safe driver even when I started to feel overwhelmed. It made me reach out for support and draw on the advice and care of friends so that I could learn what I needed to learn and get through challenging moments. I also invested money and time in refresher lessons. The fear stopped me from isolating myself. The fear crafted my courage.
Self consciousness
In the early days of driving I often felt self-conscious or embarrassed by the fact that I was cautious. Perhaps I needed a few more minutes to park or was more hesitant to pull out of a junction. Inevitably this led to some impatient drivers beeping their horn and sometimes I ended up making bad mistakes as I tried to rush.
These experiences taught me to become resolute in taking my time and I even started repeating the mantra “I have the right to be on the roads just as much as anybody else, even if I need a little more time.” Each time I felt this discomfort I was pushed towards this conviction and gradually I built up my confidence and my ability to focus on my own driving even when others were unkind.
Resistance
And then there was resistance. Soon after I got my car I did a journey which was quite challenging and it left me feeling shaken. After that I was reluctant to keep trying and found lots of ways to avoid and procrastinate on driving. My desire to develop my skills was strong but my resistance was keeping me from practising.
This resistance may have seemed like a barrier but what it actually did was force me to slow down, focus on one skill at a time and find sustainable ways to practice - rather than throwing myself in at the deep end again and getting overwhelmed. I started a nightly routine of driving for 15 - 20 minutes, at first doing the same route over and over again, and choosing a good playlist to join me. Over time I started practising my manoeuvres and taking longer journeys at different times of the day.
In each stage the discomfort was moulding me into the person who could be the calm, confident, competent driver that I wanted to be. It was like I was the clay and the emotions were the modelling tool, pinching and squeezing me into shape.
Fear was teaching me that I needed a rock solid core of inner calm and it forced me to build that by drawing on my inner resources and support from others.
Self consciousness was teaching me that when I focused on the people around me I became a worse driver. It gave me clarity about my own needs and the courage I needed to meet them even if it pissed some people off.
Resistance was teaching me that the best way to improve my practical skills was to slow down, make my practices more enjoyable and manageable and harness a supportive level of discipline.
The role of the mind
Alongside each of these emotions and uncomfortable states my mind loudly echoed whatever was going on within me.
When I was afraid my mind said “Something is bound to go horribly wrong, I’ll definitely cause an accident.” Self consciousness said “I’m holding up everyone on the road, who was I to believe that I could do this?” Resistance said “Now’s not a good time, maybe I’ll wait til tomorrow.”
Had I taken these thoughts literally I would either have given up altogether or I would have wasted a vast amount of energy trying to disprove them or arguing with them.
Instead they were an insight into the story that was playing out within me. And the fact that they felt uncomfortable, and unpleasant was a good sign that they weren’t the ultimate truth. By being able to drop into my body I could witness them rather than get involved with them, and use them as fuel to continue honing the character traits that would be unshakeable in the face of them.
For example, I was only vulnerable to someone else criticising that I was “holding everyone up” if I was afraid of the thought in my own mind that said this. By honing and sharpening my conviction that I was allowed to take up space and take my time, this thought became powerless. And therefore so too would the words of anyone outside of me who tried to criticise me in this way.
The harsh words in my mind were just as much an indication of where I was vulnerable as the strong sensations were. But rather than trying to take me down they were offering me the opportunity to strengthen myself.
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What if you transformed the way you looked at your uncomfortable emotions?
What if instead of seeing them as blocks or barriers, you saw them as tools that are shaping you into the very person that you want to become - and the only reason they have appeared is because you are on the right path.
Consider an area of your life right now that is stretching you and use these journal questions to explore what your emotions may be teaching you.
What’s the strongest sensation that fills your body when you think about this challenge? What resource do you think you are being called on to cultivate to help you navigate this sensation?
Write down all the thoughts that run through your mind when you think about this challenge. What would you need to know or feel with all your heart for these words to be powerless over you?
Imagine the version of yourself who is on the other side of the challenge you face. What character traits and attributes do they hold? To what extent do you think you already hold those traits? What ways do you think those traits are currently being shaped within you?
Let me know in the comments any revelations that this exercise brings you!
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